Ask me how I got here and I will tell you.
It was not easy, the struggle, and the difficult tragedies in life.
Many of you have no idea where I came from or everything I have been through.
Well let me tell you a little bit about my story, my life story.
I was never perfect, neither was my life. Growing up my life was not butterflies and rainbows.
It was filled with sadness and disappointments.
But through it all this is why I am who I am today, in hopes of one day being able to inspire others out there going through some difficult situations.
Well here it goes...
Growing up in a community where drugs were accessible at every corner. I lived in a home where I was never praised for any of my hard work, but instead compared to my older siblings. I would constantly hear my mother complain that I was a "nobody and I was ugly." I was never good enough for her, and I would have to hear about it every single day of life. Constant disappointment made me feel miserable, constant negatively slowly killed me inside. Every day that went on I began to feel as if life had no meaning, no purpose. This continued for years when I finally transitioned into middle school, it got even worse. I would fight the constant humiliation and bullying every day. Walking down the hall and having boys make rude comments towards me calling me "ugly." I remember going home in tears, hating myself, my life entirely. Like every other girl I wanted to change things make an impression and decided to wear a little make up, "maybe this would help me feel pretty?"
This was the worse mistake ever, once I got home the unexpected happened. My mother reaches and slaps me, raising her voice telling me to wipe it off my face. My mind could not comprehend what had just happened. "What did I do to make her hate me so much?" I felt hopeless, I felt like a nobody...
See the thing is, I grew up in a cold environment where no one ever expressed love when I was growing up. I grew up in never knowing how to share and express love to others. I struggled to keep a relationship it was all due to my lack of emotional connection with others.
I won't go into details but I remember when I had my first boyfriend and my mother found out about it, while overhearing me and spying on my laptop.
Its pretty difficult to understand what exactly happened that night...
I remember seeing my mother break open my room door while she cornered me in the room in the dark calling me a rude names and feeling and intense hit on the side of my shoulder and face. While she dragged me to the ground and holding chunks of my hair. While I lay there helpless on the floor I felt life just pass me, I lost myself in the darkness of the events in that night. As I cried and called for help, I asked for medical help but instead I was locked in my room and I was told that this was for my own good.
That night made me cold, I began to care for no one but myself. In my eyes the world was evil and everyone in it was too.
Summer of 2008 was here, in my eyes it was a fresh and new beginning, Freshman year.
In hopes that a new year, a new beginning... But I was wrong.
"It was a sunny morning and I woke up to the sun light beaming on my face through my room window. I woke up to cries coming from the living room, I suddenly got up and rushed over to see what the commotion was about. As I walked over to the kitchen table all I could feel was everyone stare like something tragic just happened. Till this day I remember the words clearly, "Mija, your sister is missing."
My heart suddenly drops, I felt a sudden emptiness crowd over my whole body. I sat there thinking this is not real, this can't be real!!
I kept telling myself "Wake up Cindy, Wake up!"
I remember glancing over at my niece and nephew not knowing how would they react to their own mother missing.
I blamed myself everyday, why couldn't I have told her how much I loved her and means to me!
My freshman year was a stressful and depressing year, it was filled with lawyers, social workers, police officers, and court appearances.
My life just went down hill from there, my parents were absent from my entire high school years, I got involved in drugs, joined the wrong crowds, skipped class.
There was a point in my life where I contemplated ending it all...
If it wasn't for one of my great High school friends who helped me through it all.
Lucy, I am forever grateful for your friendship, helped me through all the toughest times when I had no one.
My sophomore year came along and I decided to make changes in my life, I will not let my struggles in life define who I am.
I decided I wanted to go to college and have a career, I picked up my grades.
Went from a 1.45 gpa to 3.05 gpa in the matter of years.
I know its not the best but definitely picked up my slack from all the troubles and hardships.
Till this day my sister remains missing.
There doesn't go a day where I wish she would come back into our lives, but this situation caused an impact in all of our lives.
My mother changed for the better, after the incident my mother calmed down and began to appreciate everything in life.
Yes, I lived with depression for years, those wounds that never heal, but you learn to live with it and control it. Over the years I learned to deal with it. I let my frustrations and anger through weight lifting. This is where my passion for fitness began.
Through all the hardships and struggles in life I can definitely say it doesn't matter where you came from what happened in your past, its how you react to every single situation.
Life is truly amazing and it is what you make of it.
I dont duel on my past or struggles because it shaped me into the person I am today.
I am here to tell my story and how I will continue to strive for bigger and better.
Never settle always remember YOU ARE AMAZING!
(remember someone out there probably has it worse then you)
BE GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE!