Tuesday, November 21, 2017

"Difficult Roads Often Lead To Beautiful Destinations."

Ask me how I got here and I will tell you.
It was not easy, the struggle, and the difficult tragedies in life.
Many of you have no idea where I came from or everything I have been through.
Well let me tell you a little bit about my story, my life story. 
I was never perfect, neither was my life. Growing up my life was not butterflies and rainbows.
It was filled with sadness and disappointments.
But through it all this is why I am who I am today, in hopes of one day being able to inspire others out there going through some difficult situations.
Well here it goes... 

Growing up in a community where drugs were accessible at every corner. I lived in a home where I was never praised for any of my hard work, but instead compared to my older siblings. I would constantly hear my mother complain that I was a "nobody and I was ugly." I was never good enough for her, and I would have to hear about it every single day of life. Constant disappointment made me feel miserable, constant negatively slowly killed me inside. Every day that went on I began to feel as if life had no meaning, no purpose. This continued for years when I finally transitioned into middle school, it got even worse. I would fight the constant humiliation and bullying every day. Walking down the hall and having boys make rude comments towards me calling me "ugly." I remember going home in tears, hating myself, my life entirely. Like every other girl I wanted to change things make an impression and decided to wear a little make up, "maybe this would help me feel pretty?" 

This was the worse mistake ever, once I got home the unexpected happened. My mother reaches and slaps me, raising her voice telling me to wipe it off my face. My mind could not comprehend what had just happened. "What did I do to make her hate me so much?" I felt hopeless, I felt like a nobody...  

See the thing is, I grew up in a cold environment where no one ever expressed love when I was growing up. I grew up in never knowing how to share and express love to others. I struggled to keep a relationship it was all due to my lack of emotional connection with others. 

I won't go into details but I remember when I had my first boyfriend and my mother found out about it, while overhearing me and spying on my laptop. 
Its pretty difficult to understand what exactly happened that night...
I remember seeing my mother break open my room door while she cornered me in the room in the dark calling me a rude names and feeling and intense hit on the side of my shoulder and face. While she dragged me to the ground and holding chunks of my hair. While I lay there helpless on the floor I felt life just pass me, I lost myself in the darkness of the events in that night. As I cried and called for help, I asked for medical help but instead I was locked in my room and I was told that this was for my own good. 

That night made me cold, I began to care for no one but myself. In my eyes the world was evil and everyone in it was too. 

Summer of 2008 was here, in my eyes it was a fresh and new beginning, Freshman year.

In hopes that a new year, a new beginning... But I was wrong.

"It was a sunny morning and I woke up to the sun light beaming on my face through my room window. I woke up to cries coming from the living room, I suddenly got up and rushed over to see what the commotion was about. As I walked over to the kitchen table all I could feel was everyone stare like something tragic just happened. Till this day I remember the words clearly, "Mija, your sister is missing." 

My heart suddenly drops, I felt a sudden emptiness crowd over my whole body. I sat there thinking this is not real, this can't be real!!

I kept telling myself "Wake up Cindy, Wake up!"

I remember glancing over at my niece and nephew not knowing how would they react to their own mother missing. 

I blamed myself everyday, why couldn't I have told her how much I loved her and means to me!

My freshman year was a stressful and depressing year, it was filled with lawyers, social workers, police officers, and court appearances. 
My life just went down hill from there, my parents were absent from my entire high school years, I got involved in drugs, joined the wrong crowds, skipped class. 

There was a point in my life where I contemplated ending it all...
If it wasn't for one of my great High school friends who helped me through it all. 
Lucy, I am forever grateful for your friendship, helped me through all the toughest times when I had no one.

My sophomore year came along and I decided to make changes in my life, I will not let my struggles in life define who I am. 
I decided I wanted to go to college and have a career, I picked up my grades.

Went from a 1.45 gpa to 3.05 gpa in the matter of years. 
I know its not the best but definitely picked up my slack from all the troubles and hardships. 

Till this day my sister remains missing.
There doesn't go a day where I wish she would come back into our lives, but this situation caused an impact in all of our lives.

My mother changed for the better, after the incident my mother calmed down and began to appreciate everything in life. 

Yes, I lived with depression for years, those wounds that never heal, but you learn to live with it and control it. Over the years I learned to deal with it.  I let my frustrations and anger through weight lifting. This is where my passion for fitness began.

Through all the hardships and struggles in life I can definitely say it doesn't matter where you came from what happened in your past, its how you react to every single situation. 

Life is truly amazing and it is what you make of it.
I dont duel on my past or struggles because it shaped me into the person I am today.
I am here to tell my story and how I will continue to strive for bigger and better.
Never settle always remember YOU ARE AMAZING! 

(remember someone out there probably has it worse then you)


Thursday, March 24, 2016

Hello! Hello! Hello!

Hello there, 
I know, I know I've been MIA for a while. 
Well any who I'm back and will be posting new and upcoming stuff!
Let me tell you guys every day is a definite blessing. 
The one and only thing I have to repeat to many of you, is follow your dreams!!
No matter how dumb people tell you it is, no matter if people tell you that you will never make any money out of it. JUST DO IT!
My life went from feeling miserable and not knowing where I was headed, to the point where I had lost many friendships. Let me tell you, now I have people messaging me left and right, making meaningful friendships of goal minded people like myself and it is incredibly amazing! On top of it, I've been practicing on my videography and photography skills more often than I used it.
Im not sure how much more to stress it to everyone there is a certain kind of high you get from life and I'm literally high on life right now!
Enjoy every single moment of life and appreciate everyone that surrounds you! I promise you it will completely change your life around.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

They are here!

Guess what just arrived today! Yes my business cards, after waiting two weeks for them. 

I guess you can say we all have to start somewhere. I was always waiting for the perfect moment to do something. For instance, there were several times where I would hold myself back and tell myself that I wasn't good enough yet, I need to take more classes, or I need more practice, etc.. 
Guess what there is no perfect moment to start anything you just have to suck it up and do it, that is the only way to improve and continue growing.

My message to everyone is just do it now, or you will remain holding yourself back from succeeding.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Late Night Talks.

Just a couple weeks before my birthday (January 4th, 2016) I felt terribly lost career wise. I felt like I was just going in circles and had no clue what I was going to do with my life after leaving "the business." Going from being on track and having everything together and transitioning to having nothing at one point, or at least I felt as if I had nothing. Little did I realize that I had so much to be grateful for and slowly getting myself back on my feet. Somehow I still felt empty inside, I wasn't going to school, my life felt repetitive where all I was doing is going to work, gym and hang out with my boyfriend.

A couple weeks later I left to a Birthday trip with my other half to San Francisco, the whole time I was out there all I did was enjoy the trip and photograph the whole trip out there. Everything from nature to the city was amazing. When I returned back home it hit me. I realized how much I really enjoyed photography, and videography. I had the courage to stand up for what I'm truly passionate about and follow it and now I continue to pursue my passions. Video editing is one thing i am truly passionate about and just recently decided to get back into it and continue to strive!
Keep an eye out! I am going to be making my life struggles, passions, and aspirations into a video to inspire all the individuals out there in any way possible. Being raised in a low income community and listening to other adults tell you that you will end up pregnant and become a young mother, or not graduate or the very typical that no one in a low income community ever makes it out big. Well i am 22 years young with no children, on the verge of graduating, and I can assure everyone that I will make it, make my parents proud, not only that i strive to be a role model in my community.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Little snacks

Who doesn't love having Acai bowls, what my little snacks consist of. I am the person that gets hungry all the time but when it comes to having a meal I won't finish it because I know all I want is a snack. When that happens I just run down to Nature's Juice and have a Tropical bowl! They are amazing!! 

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Find someone that you can grow with everyday!

I have many goals in life and most of them consist of creating my empire by following my true passion in life. Although, my mission in life is to inspire other women out there to fully follow their passion and continue their successful path! You are all capable of doing anything you set your mind to. I remember when I was young, I felt as if I was put on this earth for a reason. Growing up I felt like an outcast and didn't know why, I thought to myself maybe something is wrong with me, why am I different? Later I realized that is what makes me unique. I slowly started to find my true worth! Throughout my life I came across extremely tough times, through it all I learned how strong I really was, most importantly I began learning a little more about myself. 

Since then I have continue to fight the battle striving for success and greatness. A while back I was stuck in a messy relationship where I felt like it couldn't get any better and no will ever love me again if I left him.. I felt that for 4 years I was taking care of a child instead of having a man that could stand up for me, help me grow as an individual. The one who was suppose to be my significant other, the one who would be there to pick me up through my tough times was only bringing me down emotionally and career wise...
I couldn't take it anymore and decided to leave.
It wasn't until then, I realized what my true potential as a woman was. I felt invincible and amazing! 

Months later, 
I decided, "hey why not...Im single, why not go mingle..."
Came across a lot of men who wanted nothing but...Well all you ladies already know...
Later I met a really cool guy, we went out to dinner and hit it off pretty well!
I don't know what it was that I felt safe around him, a genuine presence! 
As the story goes this guy is now someone who means the world to me! 
As of July 5th, 2015 became my other half, there is not one day where he doesn't make me feel like a princess! Not only has he been part of my life since then but also has been there with me through some very tough times, we both grow together everyday, and learn from each other. 

Find someone you can grow with and learn from each other everyday, don't settle for less & know your worth ladies.

                 Here goes to this handsome man who has taught me so much as we continue to grow together! Everyday is a learning experience. Our late night talks, laughs, and our late night gym sessions.
I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Monday, February 29, 2016

My Mornings.

What my mornings look like, reading one of my favorite books and a Caffe Mocha. 
The cellar is a pretty interesting book and also a little weird at the same time, basically about a couple of girls that are kidnapped and taken into a cellar and being forced to live an isolated life. A creep basically has an obsession with keeping women isolated from the world to keep them pure... But a very interesting and thrilling book! 
Strongly recommend it!